Moving on
by Dreamworldxox
Summary: Based on the season finale "The end" Ben tries to earn forgiveness for his past mistakes by finding the people he hurt the most. Can they forgive him? Or is it just too late? Will Ben finally be able to let go? read on to find out... Ben/Locke friendship and Sawyer/Juliet relationship


**Ben- the last meeting**

 _Authors note: This story is based on the series finale, when Ben is at the church. I have tried to link the story with the original is about Ben wanting to make up for all his past mistakes. I know Lost has been over for a while now, but I have only just finished the show and would really love to hear feedback and reviews! Thanks for reading- enjoy!_

 **Although Hugo had invited him inside, he knew that he wouldn't be welcome amongst everyone. Instead he sat on a bench outside of the building, alone. In the darkness, Ben watched as the others walked through the set of double doors and disappeared into the unknown. This would be the last time he would ever see these people again.**

 **They were leaving… and he was staying.**

 **He, like the others, had remembered. He remembered everything…who he was. He wasn't some history teacher, he was a leader, and a powerful one. Being in this place, wherever it was, Ben thought to himself, had taught him one thing, a lesson that he had learned too late in life; Power isn't everything.**

 **He was distracted from his thoughts as he became aware of the man approaching him.**

 **"** **Hello Benjamin."**

 **The man in front of him was one of the reasons why Ben had come here tonight. To face old demons and to try and seek forgiveness, if that were even possible, "Hello John."**

 **After everything that Ben had done to him, John should have been bitter and hateful. But he wasn't. Instead he smiled.**

 **Something inside of Ben crumbled upon seeing the man he had murdered, sitting in a wheelchair and smiling at him. John's smile made Ben realise just how special John was, not because he had a connection with the Island or because he had been a candidate, but because he was a good man. A better man than Ben could ever be.**

 **The guilt that he felt for murdering John had haunted Ben for the rest of his life, and knowing it was his last chance to say it, Ben needed to at least try to make for what he had done to a man who had showed him nothing other than honesty and understanding.**

 **"** **I'm very sorry for what I did to you John."**

 **"** **If it helps Ben, I forgive you."**

 **In hearing those words, a part of him was taken aback. He couldn't understand how someone could show him forgiveness the way that John had just done. I was an act of mercy that Ben admired, though at the same time, John's kind words struck a chord of shame from within Ben.**

 **"** **Thank you John. It does help… it matters more than I can say."**

 **With that, John turned away from Ben and wheeled towards the entrance of the church.**

 **Theres was something that Ben found truly saddening in seeing a man, who had proved himself to be a hero, resort to being bound in a wheelchair which was the one thing he had fought so hard to be free of.**

 **It reminded Ben of when he was in a wheelchair after his spinal operation. He remembered feeling as though he were a prisoner in his own body when stuck in that damn chair. John had been the one to help him to get out of the chair, so it only seemed fair that Ben return the favour, just one last time.**

 **A small but genuine smile grew on Bens face as he said kindly, "You know, I don't think you need to be in that chair anymore."**

 **At first John looked down at his legs in confusion, but then, to both men's amazement, he stood up from his chair.**

 **It was as though hearing Ben's confession was all that he needed to summon the strength to move his legs. Secretly, John had just needed to hear Ben's apology so that he could finally let go.**

 **Making his way up the steps, John paused at the door and turned back around to face Ben, who was still watching him with his wide eyed gaze, "Goodbye Ben."**

 **With the help of John, Ben was finally on his path to redemption and for the first time in a long time, he felt happy in himself, "Good bye John."**

 **As the set of double doors closed behind Locke, the finality of their situation hit Ben- this was the end of their lives.**

 **John was now ready to move on. And as much as Ben wanted to leave, to finally be at peace, he knew that he wasn't ready. He needed to stay. Besides, he had unfinished business to tend to. Apologising to John was not the only reason why he came here tonight, there was still one more person he had to see…**

 **A man and woman, who were holding hands, walked straight past Ben, as though oblivious to his presence at all. A sudden feeling of dread knotted in the pit of his stomach when he realised who the two people were.**

 **He told himself to let them walk on by, so that they never have to see him. It would be easier that way, Ben thought to himself. But then again, doing the easy thing, wasn't always doing the right thing.**

 **This was the last time he would get to see them, his last chance to say what he had been wanting to say for a long time, and no matter how scared he felt, he couldn't let that moment slip through his fingers.**

 **It was time to finally do the right thing.**

 **"** **Juliet, wait!" he called out after them.**

 **The couple stopped and the blonde haired woman jolted her head around.**

 **Ben could feel his heart beat getting faster and louder as the woman, who thought he'd never see again, began walking towards him.**

 **Frozen to the spot, Ben could do nothing but squirm in anticipation as the woman got closer and closer until she was standing right in front in him. He looked up at her in surprise as she approached the bench he was sat on. Moments passed as the woman stood in complete stillness, watching him with a set of piercing blue eyes.**

 **Ben couldn't help but think how beautiful she looked; she was wearing a black dress and her blonde hair was slightly wavy, just as it had looked on the day they first met.**

 **He was distracted from his thoughts as he felt the sting of an icy glare looking through him. She had reverted back into her cool and calm demeanor, the mask she thought no one other than Sawyer could read. It was clear from the look on her face that she wasn't happy to see him… but could he blame her?**

 **"** **Juliet."**

 **He spoke her name with uncertainty as though saying it for the first time. Like he needed to confirm that she was really there and not just a figment of his imagination.**

 **His eyes were wide with amazement and he couldn't help but smile in her presence. She on the other hand, seemed far from impressed.**

 **"** **Ben."**

 **Her blunt and cold reply, shook him and he felt his smile fall. All he could see in her eyes was hatred.**

 **And it was his fault.**

 **"** **Juliet. Please come and sit down. "**

 **She raised an eye brow at the absurdity of his request.**

 **"** **Please, Juliet."**

 **She reluctantly perched herself beside him on the bench, looking out into the distance.**

 **"** **What do you want Ben?" she demanded.**

 **He found himself at a loss for words. There was a moment of silence, as Ben struggled to find the words to say what he had been wanting to say for a very long time.**

 **"** **Juliet, I brought you to the Island, not because Jacob needed you, but because I needed you. I was selfish."**

 **He dropped his head in shame.**

 **"** **I made a promise to you that I would let you go home to your sister and nephew-"**

 **She stopped him before he could finish, "Why are you telling me this now Ben?"**

 **"** **I'm telling you this because I made you a promise and I broke it…"**

 **His voice trailed off slightly as his looked down at the ground.**

 **"…** **And because of me, you never made it home. "**

 **She laughed at him, not taken in by him.** ** _This is Benjamin Linus_** **, she thought to herself, this is a man who lies on a daily basis. His words were as meaningless as the entire conversation they were having.**

 **"** **What? Am I supposed to believe that you're** ** _sorry_** **?"**

 **Her harsh words hurt him, they made him realise just how much she resented him. But the fact that she didn't believe what he was saying cut even deeper.**

 **"** **You are a manipulative liar Ben. You're a sociopath- you say what people wanna hear to get what you want. So why should I believe a word you say?"**

 **He detected a sudden change in her tone of voice; her anger was replaced with a quiet sadness that unnerved him. Cracks were starting to show in her cool and calm demeanor as she looked close to tears.**

 **She thought the sudden wave of emotion that came over her was because Ben had mentioned** ** _home_** **. In that moment all the memories of her sister came flooding back to her… It took her back to the argument that she and Ben had when she had accused him of lying about Rachel's cancer… he promised her that she could go home after her work was done. He gave her his word… Turns out she never saw her family again.**

 **She never made it home.**

 **Feeling herself about to breakdown, she buried her face in her hands, not wanting him to see her weak.**

 **Ben's heart broke at the sight.**

 **"** **Juliet look at me."**

 **He placed his hand on her shoulder but she flinched at the notion and lifted her head, making direct eye contact with him.**

 **He gave her a sympathetic smile, in attempt to reassure her. To show he understood how she was feeling.**

 **But he couldn't possibly begin to understand how she felt.**

 **"** **I know now, that you can't make someone love you. And I never realised it back then. That's because I didn't know what love was…real love can't be forced."**

 **He glanced over at Sawyer, who had been watching him and Juliet suspiciously for the past couple of minutes.**

 **"** **I'm glad you found someone Juliet. I never expected it to have been the conman-"**

 **From the look on Juliet's face, Ben felt it was best to tread carefully on the subject of her relationship with Sawyer.**

 **-"but I'm glad you found someone who deserves you. Because I never did."**

 **She looked over at Sawyer, who was waiting by the steps to the church, and smiled. She then turned her attention back to Ben, who she was shocked to see had tears in his eyes.**

 **Suddenly she saw him in a very different light; he wasn't the powerful and scary man she remembered. In front of her was a broken man who had lost everything. Something inside of her softened at seeing him look so vulnerable and exposed.**

 **It took a lot of strength for her to do so, but she decided to put the anger she felt towards him aside.**

 **Wiping away the tears from her eyes, she said calmly, "Ben. You don't have to do this…" She placed a hand on his shoulder before getting up to leave, but he grabbed her arm before she was able to walk away.**

 **"** **No Juliet, I do."**

 **Reluctantly she sat back down. He reached out for her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. She didn't know what to make of this gesture but she didn't move her hand from his.**

 **"** **I need you to know that I am truly sorry. From the bottom of my heart I 'am sorry for everything I did to you. All I ever wanted was for you to love me, the way that I loved you. And I thought the only way to do that, was to keep you with me on the Island. I know now that I was wrong… because if I really loved you, then I should have let you go… but I couldn't. "**

 **Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she looked at Ben in desperation, "Why Ben? Why couldn't you have let me go home?"**

 **He shook his head and let out a bitter sweet laugh.**

 **"** **Because I was afraid."**

 **"** **Of what?"**

 **"** **I was afraid that if I let you go, I would lose my power. You know what sort of a man I used to be - my whole life I chose my power over the things that should have mattered most to me."**

 **She slipped her hand from his.**

 **"** **You let your own daughter die Ben… How could you do that?"**

 **The very mention of Alex reduced him to tears, "Because I am a monster. And that's what monsters do Juliet… they hurt the ones they love."**

 **Juliet didn't know how to react to Bens cry for help. Silence fell as Ben got lost in his thoughts. Juliet knew he was thinking about Alex, so she gave him a minute to grieve.**

 **Juliet was first to break the silence as she let out a deep sigh, "You don't remember this but I knew you when you were a boy."**

 **He furrowed his brow in confusion, wondering if he had misheard her. From the look in his face, it was clear Ben had no idea what she was talking about and it gave her pleasure to see him more in the dark than she was, when it would always be the other way around with Ben holding all the cards and her trying to guess his next move… Finally she knew more about something than he did.**

 **"** **It's a long story…" she said with a hint of a smile on her face.**

 **"** **You were a good kid. Troubled maybe, but still a good person. Knowing you then made me realise one thing. That monsters aren't born, they're made…"**

 **"…** **And the boy I knew, the boy whose life I saved, he wasn't a monster."**

 **Ben was taken aback by her revelation.**

 **It took him a moment to process what she had said.**

 **"** **When I was a kid… I got shot… that was you? You saved my life, why?"**

 **He could barely come to terms with what she was saying. It was difficult enough to process the fact that she had known him as a boy, but it was even harder to try and understand why Juliet, of all people, would choose to save his life.**

 **"** **Because no matter who you turned out to be, she said she wasn't gonna let a kid die."**

 **Too engrossed in their conversation, Ben and Juliet hadn't noticed Sawyer making his way towards them.**

 **Both turned their heads at the sound of his smooth southern accent.**

 **"** **What's taking so long Blondie?" he said with a hint of irritation in his voice as he stood slouched against a tree with his arms crossed, "I still don't know why you're even wasting your time with the bug eyed bastard anyways."**

 **Juliet's attention immediately shifted to Sawyer, and it didn't go unnoticed by Ben.**

 **"** **It nice to see you too James" Ben remarked. Sawyer grinned sarcastically before looking over towards Juliet, whilst Ben looked on in envy.**

 **"** **Juliet, we need to go"**

 **Ben nodded his head in agreement with Sawyer, "He's right Juliet, we don't have much time… you two should go."**

 **Juliet struck him a confused look, "Wait, you're not coming with us?"**

 **Ben shook his head, "No" he replied with a solemn expression.**

 **Ben thought he noticed her face drop ever so slightly when he said that. Maybe, just maybe, there was a small chance that she actually cared about him, Ben thought to himself, "I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry."**

 **Sawyer laughed, "Well I'm afraid it's a bit late for apologies. The damage is already done."**

 **Sawyer reached out for Juliet's hand and gave it a tight squeeze, "It's time to go sweetheart, the others'll be waiting for us."**

 **Sawyer held onto her hand and lifted her from the bench.**

 **"** **So I guess this is good bye then" Ben said simply.**

 **"** **Goodbye Ben." She stated firmly, not wanting to betray an ounce of emotion that she may have felt towards him.**

 **Ben could do nothing but sit in silence as Juliet walked away with the man she loved. Ben could feel the warmth of salty tears fall to his lips as he watched Sawyer lead Juliet up the church steps to the door.**

 **"** **Juliet. I really am sorry."**

 **He waited anxiously for a reply or at least for some sort of response from her, but there wasn't one.**

 **Standing outside the door of the church, Sawyer could see how nervous she looked and he kissed her softly on the lips, which was his way of telling her that everything would be ok.**

 **That's when Juliet noticed the golden ring on her finger. Sawyer had slipped it onto her finger when holding her hand, without her noticing.**

 **"** **Theres something that I should've asked you a long time, that I never got the chance to say. It took me a long time to realise it back then, but you were always the one Blondie. And if we really are leaving this life behind, then I thought you might wanna to take something from it with you.**

 **I was gonna ask you to marry me. I was just waiting for the right moment to ask… but I never got the chance.**

 **"** **Why don't you ask me now?"**

 **"** **Juliet, I love and no matter what happens next, I promise to always have your back. I guess this is my last chance to say it so here goes…**

 **Getting down on one knee, his eyes never leaving hers, he finally asked the question he had been waiting a life time to ask.**

 **"…** **Juliet Burke, Will you do me the honour of marrying me?"**

 **"** **Absolutely."**

 **A smiled beamed from her face as she pulled him into a passionate kiss, "I love you James."**

 **"** **I love you back" he replied with a dimpled smile.**

 **She laughed through the tears as Sawyer took her hand and kissed the ring on her finger.**

 **Holding hands, together they stepped through the set of double doors.**

 **Then they were gone.**

 **Although it had made him happy to see her again, Ben couldn't shake the feeling that he had failed in some way. She hadn't forgiven him. In fact, she never even believed that he was sorry, and that hurt him most of all.**

 **He realised that their relationship was too far gone to rebuild bridges and nothing he could say, would change that.**

 **She couldn't forgive him and Ben needed to accept that.**

 **Regaining his composure, Ben rose from the bench and took one last look at the church door, still holding out hope that she might appear in the doorway.**

 ** _But this time it wasn't meant to be,_** **he told himself and he began to walk away into the darkness of the night.**

 **Ben stopped in his tracks when he heard the sound of a door swing open.**

 **His heart melted when she saw Juliet standing in the doorway, with a small but genuine smile curled happily on her face as she called out to him, "If you hadn't have kept me on the island, then my sister wouldn't have lived to see her son grow up. I wouldn't have met all these amazing people, who I call my friends. And I wouldn't have met James. I'm not making excuses for what you did, because the things you've done are unspeakable. But I can see that you're paying the price.**

 **You don't need my forgiveness, Ben. If you want to move on, you have to learn to forgive yourself.**

 **…** **But I forgive you."**


End file.
